Wednesday, June 3, 2015

Fat Blockers: Not Gunna Do It

June 3, 2015: 287 Pounds

Dang it! The scale went the wrong way this morning. I hate it when that happens. According to my fitness app, I should, by eating 2100 calories a day and exercising moderately, lose exactly 2 pounds a week and hit my target weight some time next March. Science, people, science.

But of course the human body doesn't work that way. Progress is irregular, jagged, up-and-down. You gain some and you lose some. I've done this all before, so I know it's true.

Still, the morning read made it very hard to resist my first great temptation of the day. I dropped by
Walgreen's on the way to work this morning to buy a couple of bottles of spring water for my office fridge (how virtuous is that?). As I walked by the Diet and Nutrition Aisle, I saw that, after a year's absence, Alli brand fat blockers were back on the market.

Some context here: the last two times I have shed a significant amount of weight (40 lbs. in 2012 and 60 lbs. in 2005), I have used fat-blocker pills, They were originally prescribed by my doctor, but almost immediately, they went over-the-counter and became much cheaper. To be sure, though, I usually doubled the dose back to prescription strength--since I had a LOT of fat to block.

Now, as you might imagine, there are some, um, unpleasant consequences to blocking the absorption of fat into the body. Despite that, these pills really worked for me, especially as kickstarters to a diet. The helped me drop, like, five pounds a week for a few months, which really creates momentum for a diet. I died a little bit inside when they took them off the market.

When I saw them today, here is what immediately went through my mind: "forget all that stuff I said about 'renegotiating my relationship to food.' That was for when I didn't have a quick fix. Now I can just take a pill and go about my business. Sure, I'll have to stop eating french fries and fried chicken, but I'm not going to have to do any of the real hard stuff."

I had the pills in my hand and my credit card out of my wallet before I stopped and thought it through. Yeah, I lost a lot of weight the last two times I used these, but I found it again. It didn't actually solve any problems. It just blocked them for a few months.

And, let's face it, skinny people don't take fat blockers. Normal people don't take fat blockers. Only fat people take fat blockers, and the whole point of my current exercise is to stop thinking like a fat person.

So I put them back, saved my family $79.99, and went back to a life of unblocked fat--all the while thinking that the motto for my new life should be, "What Would Twiggy Do?"